Perpetual Xmastime

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State of the Union Address: Red tie? Blue tie? Black tie? White tie? Or Senator Scott Brown nudie tie?

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The sky isn't falling. It's dissolving.

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Perhaps the polarized political environment we live in today is just nature's way of playing petty games over the loss of her ice caps.

Best tweets about the Massachusetts election victory of Scott Brown today (all made by Mormon Santa)

# Seems the Massachusetts election victory of Scott Brown sends a clear signal that teabaggers aren't naive about the double entendre.
about 1 hour ago from web

# Should "Senator Centerfold" be seated immediately or laid out upon a chaise settee?
about 1 hour ago from web

# It'll be interesting to see if the first bill Sen. Brown introduces contains a "Likes & Dislikes" amendment.
about 5 hours ago from Twitterrific

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So what if Neanderthals wore jewelry and makeup? We still invented the cigars and tricycles. http://tinyurl.com/yjzq3v4

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Harry Reid, Dick Armey...all the Dicks and Bushes. What is it we want, America? I, for one, think it clear what we've long longed to embrace! Be gentle, Mandingo...

Top 2010 New Year's Resolutions (running tally)

1. Make switch from medical marijuana to sacramental marijuana. [5 days and counting]
2. Accept the things I cannot change and stop lubricating my palms with Rogaine. [BROKEN]
3. Win Nobel Prize for personal campaign to ensure sustainable blood supplies among all industrialized Vampire Nations. [Working on it]
4. Patent "Bodybaggie", the blanket you're buried in. [Working on it]
5. Masturbate only to fitness channel shows offered in HD. [BROKEN]
6. Stop smoking crack w/Winehouse, learn to tease own eyebrows. [BROKEN]
7. Get all my zippers repaired/name removed from no-fly list. [Pickup from cleaners Wednesday]
8. Ohhh, fucking pissed myself! Let's just call that a resolution broken for many a year to come. [BROKEN]
9. Dig up the rifle, clean the rifle, load the rifle... then bury the rifle even deeper again. [5 days and counting]
10. Get Spanx down to one pair [Working on it]

More added/broken daily @mormonsanta

Your trigger phrase for today is...

An Apple tablet sounds like something my doctor would proscribe for my acute fear that the Kindle is part of a Jewish revisionist conspiracy.

Mormon Santa's 2010 Psychic Predictions

• Scientists isolate "polysexual" gene, Republicans introduce "Defense of Traditional Restrooms Act"
• Rush Limbaugh alleges chest pains due to slipped "illegal Kenyan" cigar
• New Years Eve Live host Kathy Griffin: "So when is the other ball going to drop? Some teabagger party this is!" B4L from CNN
• Britney goes brunette, then blond again, then brunette, then blond, then grows in her blue pubes in real time on Internet
• Aliens abduct Octomom, then impregnate and mutilate her before realizing they've already done this before
• Senate approves "Single-Player" option, offering complete med coverage for conditions resulting from Senators whoring it up
• NSA proposes more aggressive profiling of Nigerian banker spam, bites at chance to earn some serious money
• Al Qaeda wannabe successfully ignites Snuggie, taking down Detroit-bound plane
• TSA mandates "full body scan" technology, Trojan introduces "Easy Swallow" THIK-SAK condoms
• Miley Cyrus sex video surfaces. Miley and father Billy Ray express outrage/pride during actual video
• Lady Gaga and Adam Lambert have explicit sex during Superbowl halftime show, offer 'identity malfunction' excuse
• Kanye interrupts Sarah Palin presidential run announcement, redeems self with public
• Scientists admit evolution fraud, reveal gravity is merely soulless monkey ghosts hanging on our backs
• Mormon Santa pulls a Chris Brown and ditches Twitter due to perceived "snowballing"
• Jesus Christ returns to redeem all our bottles and cans
• Madonna gives birth to Nephilim infant
• Mayan Calendar proves to be optimistic

Mormon Santa now on Twitter!

Hey kids, Mormon Santa has discovered this great new thing on the internet called Twitter. Twitter.com is a service that allows people to stay connected with friends, associates, businesses and organizations through the exchange of short status updates, or "tweets". It allows you to let your circle of "followers" know everything you’re up to, and to keep up with those you "follow" - via the Web, your favorite newsreader or your mobile device.

Twitter asks its users to answer the question, "What are you doing?" If you're looking for constant, borderline obsessive updates of Mormon Santa living in the moment, you should follow him!

Already using Twitter? Come, follow me @mormonsanta