My Friends, I KNEW it was still too early for me to concede this Presidential election! FOX NEWS recently obtained the following memo from an unnamed bitter-but-stanch Obama supporter, detailing just SOME of the presumptive President-Elect's "First 100 Days Agenda".
No, I'm not going to demand a recount. Frankly, I've had enough of politics. For now, I'm just going to spend some quality time getting better acquainted with the 19-year-old twins (conjoined) I recently adopted and work on growing both my beard and waistline out to biblical proportions.
"My First 100 Days Agenda" (fragment of a draft memo that was allegedly found on the back of an envelope containing forged voter registration signatures, and an apparent "African-American" list of political enemies)...
DAY 1: Nationalize the Plumbing Industry
DAY 2: Nominate William Ayres as "Chief of Pals"
DAY 3: Repaint White House chartreuse
DAY 4: Remove the 'H' 'U' 'S' 'E' 'I' and 'N' keys from all staffers' computer keyboards
DAY 5: Begin sporting a peacock-feathered tri-corner hat and serving mac and cheese at state dinners
DAY 6: Hold first weekly presidential puppy fight
DAY 7: Rename Pennsylvania Avenue "The Goddamn Reverend Wright Way"
DAY 8: Head up to Capitol Hill to sell "stimulant packages" in bipartisan backroom dealings
DAY 9: Name Kanye as new "Chartreuse House Poet Laureate"
DAY 10: Invite Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and an Israeli delegation over for some ghetto FOB-ulous BBQ
DAY 11: Offer Senator Lieberman choice of four fingers to keep
DAY 12: Advise all Americans to invest savings in bling
DAY 13: Replace secret Oval Office tape-recording system with own Technics SL-1200MK2s
DAY 14: Relocate all the crackers to Alaska. Grant them Secession.
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