[IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: Mormon Santa is not Mormon and has no official affiliation with the LDS Church. As if by design, however, correlations and similarities are evident in all of the world's relevant cosmologies.]
Merry Mormon Xmas
A traditional Mormon Santa Xmas carol, sung to the tune of no particular apostate Xmas carol...
Merry Mormon Xmas
From Kolob to Ole Nauvoo
We'll spread good cheer throughout the year
And make sweet love to you.
Merry Mormon Xmas
My mouth sings this to you:
Keep the Season's Precious Secret safe
Or Disembowel'd are you!
Our Father, out in Heaven,
Reigns from His Pearly Throne
Until each year His Wives make clear
That He should shed Ten Stone!
So around ev'ry December 21st
Our Lord returns to Earth
As an Elderly Caucasian Male
To work off His Holy Girth.
Merry Mormon Xmas
From Kolob to Ole Nauvoo
We'll spread good cheer throughout the year
And make sweet love to you.
Nine Most Perfect Angels
Incarnate as Goats
And, hitched to a Sleigh, they graze the Milky Way
With Mormon Santa in tow!
Good Ol' Latter Day Saint Nick
Leaves Presents in all the Crypts
And knocks on ev'ry Sinner's door
'Til His Temple Garments fit!
Merry Mormon Xmas
My mouth sings this to you:
Keep the Season's Precious Secret safe
Or Disembowel'd are you!
Merry Mormon Xmas
From Kolob to Ole Nauvoo
We'll spread good cheer throughout the year
And make sweet love to you
And make sweet love to you
(and you, and you, and you!)
© Mormon Santa Band
