Britney Spears shall continue on her successful comeback track, directing and starring in another original motion picture, "Oops, I Got DP'd Again!"
The Feds will lower interest rates yet one more time in the coming year -- to an unprecedented NEGATIVE .5% -- causing even Klaatu to reevaluate real estate investing!
Reality television espies total market domination with a Fox program called "Half-Remembered Celebrity Poop Scope", hosted by Sir George Michael. Palestinians and Israelis finally realize a common bond as mutual fans of the show.
The Anti-Christ shall be born in London, UK, this year, in April, but he won't go on a tour of Buckingham Palace until a friend offers to take him for his 47th birthday.
Current Minnesota Senator-Elect Al Franken will be officially sworn in and seated in the U.S. Senate by February -- though, in a politically expedient compromise, on a two-legged stool, sans standard Senate healthcare coverage, and without the complimentary Wi-Fi access. His regular, impeccably timed comedic pratfalls will provide C-Span with a needed ratings boost, and Illinois Senator Roland Burris will prove himself a competent straight man with his hilariously reluctant attempts to assist Franken from his even more precarious portable sport seat.
The Universal Consciousness simultaneously realizes that ass tats are ferg.
Sarah Palin will hold a press conference in June, during which she will proudly breastfeed a lifelike "Reborn Doll", named "Viably Breathing Tyler", and some will disparage this as an attempt to pander to insane Right to Pretend Dolls are Living groups. Most reporter questions, however, focus on husband Todd Palin's performance in "Oops, I Got DP'd Again!"
Global warming causes a worldwide shift in unpleasant smells to unpleasant with hairy bojeeba stank stains. U.S. consumers respond by demanding "recyclable" aluminum chlorohydrate deodorants.
Everyone gets a choice between an RFID chip implant or breast implants.
First Lady Laura Bush will upstage her husband by negotiating an 8 million dollar book deal -- to finally show some!
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