Perpetual Xmastime

Mormon Santa received his free Extenze "Male Enhancement" sample today...

Apparently the deal is that you insert all twelve capsules in your urethra. I probably should have just Twittered this. 

Mormon Santa, Certified "M-Touch" Therapist

Can you briefly explain the "M-Touch" and why someone might choose to try this particular massage technique?

I practice Mi Zone Therapy, which is a very ancient technique. I think even the Neanderthals must have done it. It is very effective in treating most ailments from a tight muscle to a not-so-tight muscle. I work to move stagnation of the body’s Mi Zone, unblocking the flow, bringing the energy body back into balance, and cleaning up afterwards. The "M-Touch" motivates the blood and navoid (or bellybutton) juices. If the Mi Zone is blocked in some way from emotional, physical or mental stagnation, the body may experience pain, dysfunction and eventually mocking laughter. By manipulating the Mi Zone, I am also helping my client raise their vibration. By working this vibration, the Mi Zone eventually goes back into balance, if the insurance will cover it.

In your opinion, what makes a good "M-Touch" therapist or practitioner?

In my opinion, a good "M-Touch" therapist is a good listener and can really listen to what the body and the bellybutton is saying, without putting words into its mouth using a funny voice or making icky faces. Always be a professional. If you smelt it, deal with it.

What is your philosophy on health and healing?

I believe that healing is a journey. It is a journey for both practitioner and client alike. Healing doesn’t always mean the client doesn’t die. We’re often like travel agents who get our clients the direct flight at the lowest fare.

Why did you choose the profession of "M-Touch" Therapy as a career?

While I was working on my degree in psychology, I completed a half-semester at Clown College, one of the good ones. While there, I started writing a research paper on the human potential movement with a focus on "M-Touch" work. I’d researched all types of bodywork from Reiki to Rolfing, but the "M-Touch" was the only technique that focused exclusively on the bellybutton. I realized this was the best and most effective way to release affect (emotions). Emotions get stored in the bellybutton in bands of tension that cause pain and also stick to fascia (connective tissue) causing adhesions in the body. Sometimes I think I understand what that means, but basically I fell in love with my own Mi Zone and continued on to complete my degree in "M-Touch" Therapy. It was also very easy to find and print the official certificate online.

Post inquiries and questions here or on my MySpace profile